Story Time: What I Wish I Could Say
After 3 months of pure agony at times, and endless hours of reflection, this is what I wish that I could say to you Andrew.
You should have been better for me. You were cold, distant, and uncommunicative. You never prioritized me, and you treated me as if I were disposable. You promised me that we’d drive upstate for a weekend getaway during our first month of dating. You never followed through on that within the 3.5 years that we were together. You made me think that it was normal to not get responses to text messages. You made me think that constant anxiety and disappointments were to be expected in a relationship. You wanted me to think that it was fine when you drank until you were unrecognizable. You had a love for work and materialistic things that could not be rivaled by the love of a fellow human. You treated your apartment’s hardwood floors and marble countertops with a level of care that you should have saved for me. You would spend hours researching wine glasses and shoes, but you never had the time to plan any dates or think about me. You had a horrible temper with anything related to the integrity of the apartment, and made me feel like an unwanted guest. You made me think that I was needy, talentless, utterly average, uninteresting, and undeserving. You are not a bad person, but you often have bad intentions or end results.
I made my world orbit around yours, but you didn’t care. I was constantly dancing and singing before you slowly killed my soul. And last night, I finally danced and sang freely for the first time in as long as I can remember.
I hope your kitchen floors are finally clean now that I’m gone. I wasn’t allowed to walk barefoot on them. I wasn’t allowed to do a lot of things.
Thank you for showing me what I do not want in a husband, family member, friend, coworker, or random stranger on the subway. I hope that you somehow read this and grow from it. But if you don’t, it’s no longer my responsibility to try to change you.