Thoughts on: 2000’s vs 2020’s Standards
In Harry Potter, each house is awarded points when members do things that are above and beyond what is expected of them. However, in the current dating world it seems as if women give an exceptional amount of credit to men when they do the most basic things. I am also guilty of this, both in my past relationship as well as currently in my single and mingle phase, but I am trying to be more self aware of it. Based on my own experiences, as well as those of my friends, friends of friends, and random ladies on Tik-Tok, many men just do not feel the need to put in a lot of effort. The reasons as to why, we can dig deeper into in a later blog post, but for now let’s talk about this from our side.
Long gone are the days when you expect a guy to ask for your number, ask you out on a date, and plan the first date. I can’t pinpoint exactly when these expectations dwindled for myself, but today, I don’t see these steps as a given anymore. It’s definitely more seamless to meet someone out IRL, chat, and exchange numbers, but in the app world, it can often feel like you are stuck in limbo. I find that it is rare for a guy you match with to actually ask for your number. Sometimes I end up messaging someone for weeks before I get annoyed and just give them my unsolicited number. Sometimes guys will just send me their numbers and tell me to text them. Of course there are still some guys that will nicely ask if I want to text instead and if they can have my number, but overall, such a seemingly simple step has become a frustrating scenario.
Even the term first date has become an antiquated notion. Dates have been replaced with “hangouts” and are far more casual. First date dinners are very uncommon, and it has morphed more so into “grabbing drinks” or “meeting up.” There’s nothing wrong with the casualization because times have changed and it’s not 1964 anymore, but I would still like somewhat of a plan. For example, choose a day and time to show that you are actually committing to these plans, and choose an area that is convenient for the both of us. It is such a turnoff when I see that someone lives in LES and also picks a bar for us in LES. Either he is just trying to conveniently get some, or he is extremely lazy. So unless I specifically say that I love hanging out in LES, for Christsakes do not pick LES.
I always think back to my first date and what I expected then vs now. When I was 17, my first date drove from NJ to Queens to pick me up and hang out in my neighborhood. He picked and made reservations for the movie and dinner, and I didn’t think twice about it. I expected nothing less. As a recently single AF adult, I refuse to let my standards fall that far below where they were when I was 17. 17 year old Audrey would have been shook as to what she accepted with her own long term BF, and the adult men of NYC.
Men- be better. Women- expect better.